EDITOR'S NOTES: Prepare now for eclipse-ageddon and pack an umbrella

By David Kennard

dkennard@journalscene.com

Originally published in the Journal Scene on Aug 9, 2017

The eclipse that will darken the sky on the afternoon of Aug. 21 promises to be a spectacular event -- if it’s not raining.

Not to throw a wet blanket on this celestial event that has seen more buildup than Y2K, but there’s a pretty good chance that if you’re reading this column, you’re going to see a cloudy sky when you look up through your cardboard eclipse glasses.

As of Sunday afternoon, The National Weather Forecast for Aug. 21 includes a 40 percent chance of precipitation, which means cloudy weather. But if you recall last October, forecasters were still saying Hurricane Matthew was going to blow out to sea several days before it pounded us here in the Lowcountry.

It’s still just a little too early to say whether or not we’re going to get a good view of this thing.

However, I hope we do … and so do all the restaurants, hotels and airlines from Lincoln Beach,Oregon; to Casper, Wyoming; to Mokane, Missouri; to Bonneau, South Carolina. The folks along that path -- and about 35 miles north and south of there -- will witness something most will never see again.

For about 2 minutes and 3 seconds, the view of the sun will be completely blocked by the moon.

Where we are, the moon’s eclipse of the sun will begin at about 1:16 p.m. on that day and last nearly three hours from partial eclipse to total eclipse and then partial eclipse again.

Assuming it’s not raining that day, it should be a pretty cool sight, similar to the twilight hours of each day. The brightest stars will be visible, frogs and crickets will begin chirping. Roosters will crow. Toilets will flush backwards. Democrats will praise Trump. OK, I made those last two things up.

For real, though some things are certainly going to happen during eclipse-agedon when the sun vanishes. It's time you begin preparing for what some are comparing to the Burning Man Festival for the common folk.

Here is a quick list of things you should or should not do.

First, don’t look at the sun. Even during the two-plus minutes of totality, it’s dangerous. Remember the advice of your mother or your fifth-grade science teacher, don’t look at the sun.

For 99 cents you can order a pair of eclipse sunglasses online. You can also stop by your local hardware store and pick up a No. 14 welder’s glass. Do this now, supplies will sell out.

Second, pay attention to a warning from The South Carolina Emergency Management Division: If you are driving during the eclipse, KEEP MOVING. Do not stop your vehicle along interstates or any roadway.

Please follow those instructions. Every police department, fire department and safety official in the county has already been briefed about idiot drivers who will no doubt strain their neck to see the eclipse while driving.

If you miss it, don't worry; the next total solar eclipse will visit the U.S. on April 8, 2024, but you'll have to travel to Arkansas to see it. The next total eclipse to visit the Lowcountry will be come on March 30, 2052 and again on May 11, 2078.

Make a plan now to be in a safe place off the roads during the afternoon hours of Aug. 21. A good place to be is the Old Santee Canal Park, where admission is free all day and plans are in place to help people enjoy this two-minute miracle.

Another good place is the Colonial Dorchester State Historic Site on Dorchester Road or Givhans Ferry State Park, both of which have prepared for increased crowds.

When you do go to any of these excellent destinations, prepare of heavy traffic, get there early and bring water - remember this is going to be the middle of the day in August. The sun maybe hidden behind the moon, but it’s still going to be hot.

Finally, bring an umbrella.

David Kennard is the executive editor of Summerville Communications, which publishes the Berkeley Independent, Goose Creek Gazette and Summerville Journal Scene. Contact him at dkennard@journalscene.com or 843-873-9424. Follow him on Twitter @davidbkennard.

Howard Bridgman, a member of the board of directors of Friends of the 

Edisto, paddles 2 miles of the Edisto River from Givhans Ferry State Park 

to the Edisto River Outfitters base Wednesday. The July 19 trip was part
of the launch of a new website ERCKTrail.com.

Paddlers tour Edisto River during debut of ERCKtrail.org

By David Kennard

dkennard@journalscene.com

Paddlers have navigated the gentle current of the Edisto River for centuries, but a new website promises to enhance the experience for modern day canoers and kayakers.

Unveiled Wednesday at Givhans Ferry State Park, the new website ERCKTrail.org includes features to help visitors learn more about the historic river and the countryside around it.

Find the full story and more pictures here.

EDITOR'S NOTES: Editor's Notes: Bacons Bridge Road sparks mower memories

By David Kennard

dkennard@journalscene.com

Back in the summer of 1981 I had three best friends, Smokin’ Joe, Slow Moe and Ricky. The first two were commercial-grade lawn mowers that my best friend Ricky and I used as part of our landscaping business.

The business was owned by Ricky’s cousin, but the two of us recent high school graduates did all the hard labor. Every morning we’d load up the mowers, trimmers and edgers and make a stop at the gas station to fuel up the gear and feast on day-old apple fritters and Pepsi. Then, from 7 in the morning until 9 at night we'd mow the yards of the rich homes that we vowed we'd own one day.

These two giant gas guzzling machines cut grass like you wouldn’t believe. Slow Moe was excellent at climbing steep hills and could slice through Kentucky Blue Grass and Tall Fescue like nothing. But he had one speed - slow. Smokin’ Joe, on the other hand, got his name not from boxing fame, but because of the amount of smoke he blew out of the exhaust for hours every day. Ricky and I would have to trade mowers on every other job because the exhaust fumes mixed with the summer heat were too much for one person to handle for 10 hours a day.

Now, every time I drive south on Bacons Bridge Road I am reminded of Ricky and those two old mowers that I came to both love and hate all those summers ago.

As a relative newcomer to Summerville, I’ve had the chance to see the final phase of the Bacons Bridge widening project, which increased the width of the road basically from the Little Ceaser’s all the way south to Dorchester Road and beyond.

Editor’s Note: Most of my directions are given in relation to pizza restaurants.

Most drivers probably have never looked at a map of Summerville to know that they are going in and out of the county as they drive along Bacons Bridge Road. And, like much of Summerville, it’s sometimes hard to figure out if you are in the county or the city, a problem that local leaders keep assuring me that they are working on.

If you own property in the area, you probably consider yourself a Summerville resident even if you pay your taxes and vote in Dorchester County. You might also care any time you drive Bacons Bridge Road, which was built by the county, finished by the state, but is monitored by the town. I'm still not certain who is responsible for mowing the tall grass that lines the roadway.

My daily drive into work takes me along this section, which for me begins at Dorchester Road. Bacons Bridge runs into town through Dorchester County until it reaches the Sawmill Branch Canal; it then enters the Town of Summerville and for several blocks traverses through the town before passing back into Dorchester County at about Jimbo Road. 

The speed limit is 35 miles per hour close to town, but changes to 45 as you travel south toward the canal. It is five lanes wide including its center turn lane. Appropriate signage is in place, as are sidewalks on one side or the other - sometimes both sides.

Fancy it is not, although the unmowed grass and weeds do add some contrast to this otherwise utilitarian stretch of blacktop. This drive through the jungle of tall grass brings me back to Smokin Joe and Slow Moe.

Just like Smokin’ Joe the boxer, that old mower was fast. I am certain that if I had that machine today, with its twin offset blades and belt-drive transmission, I could rip through those tall weeds along Bacons Bridge Road in 20 minutes, tops.

I have no idea whatever became of those two old behemoth mowers, but every time I drive home from work I’m reminded of that summer with my three best friends.

________________________

David Kennard is the executive editor of Summerville Communications, which publishes the Berkeley Independent, Goose Creek Gazette and Summerville Journal Scene. Contact him at dkennard@journalscene.com or 843-873-9424. Follow him on Twitter @davidbkennard.

EDITOR'S NOTES: A few films to prepare you for Flowertown Festival

By David Kennard
March 29, 2017

SUMMERVILLE, SC -- The annual Flowertown Festival is upon us, and with it comes the 200,000-plus bouquet of people that will bloom onto Main Street on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

See how I did that?

Next to the Bridge Run in Charleston, this is the biggest event in the Lowcountry. If you prefer a smaller crowd head over the St. Stephen for the annual Catfish Festival, which also takes place this weekend.

But it’s the Flowertown Festival which will be the blockbuster event. And, like any major motion picture release, has been highly anticipated, previewed and teased.

In an effort to get you in the Flowertown mood for this fabulous event, I’ve thrown together a quick list of movies with flower themes.

“BEAUTY AND THE BEAST,” 1991 or 2017. Disney’s formula for telling classic tales is once again exercised in its most recent release. The rose plays an integral role in the story. The prince must find true love before the last petal falls or he will forever be transformed as the “hideous beast.” This movie had such an impact on my young son that now, 25 years later he can still recite the entire opening scene by memory. “It's not right for a woman to read. Soon she starts getting ideas and thinking.” -- Gaston

“DRIVING MISS DAISY,” 1989: As an Academy Award winner starring Jessica Tandy, Morgan Freeman and Dan Aykroyd, this wonderful film tells the story of a wealthy Jewish socialite and her black driver, Hoke. Most movie charts list this as a comedy-drama, which isn’t entirely accurate, considering every copy of this film comes with a box of tissues. QUOTE: “I had the air-conditioning checked. I don't know what for. You never allow me to turn it on.” -- Hoke Colburn.

“BROKEN FLOWERS,” 2005: The Lowcountry’s own Bill Murray stars as the introverted Don Johnston (that’s with a “t”), a man in search of the anonymous woman claiming to be the mother of a son he never knew existed. As always, Murray delivers his trademark quirky performance on a quest to solve the riddle. Hilarity ensues. Quote: “I, uh- I ran into somebody. Somebody's fist.” -- Don Johnston

“WIZARD OF OZ,” 1939: You probably recall the near failure of Dorothy Gale and her merry men, and dog - almost failing to reach the Emerald City because of a field of poisonous ruby poppies, which threatened to put them to sleep until their dying day. I’ll skip the symbolism of the poppie that many have attached to the book/film. Spoiler alert: Dorothy and Toto survive, but in 1939 the film barely did. While it was nominated for six Academy Awards, it lost to “Gone With the Wind” for Best Picture. It also was a financial box office bust, barely covering production expenses. However, since that time it has become one of the most loved films in American cinematic history. Quote: “Poppies... Poppies. Poppies will put them to sleep. Sleeeeep. Now they'll sleeeeep!” -- Wicked Witch of the West.

“BIG FISH,” 2003: This is a great story that will likely make you cry. OK, it made me cry, but I cried when Luke got his arm cut off by Darth Vader after learning that (spoiler alert) Darth was Luke’s father. Also, it stars Ewan McGregor, who also played Obi Wan Kenobi in Star Wars Episodes 1-3. The Star Wars films have very few flowers in it so rent Big Fish if you are looking for flowers, specifically thousands and thousands of daffodils. Quote: “A man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories. They live on after him, and in that way he becomes immortal.” -- Will Bloom

“THE WAR OF THE ROSES,” 1989: This is a very disturbing film about two people, Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner, who love each other, then hate each other. Dani Devito plays the slimy attorney and delivers an excellent performance as the narrator of sorts. Don’t watch this movie unless you are in a foul mood. If you want to see a happier movie starring Douglas and Turner, rent “Romancing the Stone,” which also stars Devito, coincidentally. Quote: “There is no winning. Only degrees of losing.” -- Gavin.

“STEEL MAGNOLIAS,” 1989: This is a wonderful film starring Dolly Parton, Julia Roberts, Shirley MacLaine and Sally Field. Again, bring tissues. My favorite scene is when the neighbor uses a shotgun to clear the trees of birds threatening to interrupt a wedding reception - classic guy move. Quote: “I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years!.” -- Ouiser Boudreaux

“WALL-E,” 2008: Here’s one for the kids. There are actually no flowers in this film, but I’m counting it anyway. A lonely robot saves Earth and humankind by teaming up with other machines in space to prove life can exist on the planet. The tomatoes sprouting in my windowsill made be think of this one. Quote: “Dirrrrr-ect-tivvve?” WALL-E.

There are a few more, that I’d love to include, “Little Shop of Horrors” because of Audry II; “The Princess Bride” because of Princess Buttercup and of course “Vertigo” because of the prominent role the flowershop plays.

Moncks Corner plans for redevelopment downtown.

Council adopts downtown revitalization plan

EDITOR'S NOTES: Bylines vs blamelines: What's in a name?

Names are kind of a big deal in the news business, and here at Summerville Communications we do our best to pay attention to names.

With all the talk about fake news, it’s important to be as transparent as possible, so readers understand where the news they read every day is coming from.

David B. Kennard
Twitter.com@davidbkennard.

At the top of most news stories you’ll see what is called a “byline.” That is the “line” of text that tells reader who the story is written “by” -- the by line. I’ve heard some editors also refer to this as the “blame line,” which is kind of self-explanatory.

Most readers look right past the byline, but reporters take a bit of pride in having their names at the top of a story. Most editors are less concerned with who wrote the story and more concerned that it’s spelled correctly.

Names can be tricky things in this businesses, mostly because if a name is spelled wrong in the byline or in the story itself, someone -- usually me -- is going to hear about it.

We do our best to get things -- especially names -- perfect every day, but we occasionally screw up. Believe me, it’s as embarrassing to me as anyone, and we do our best to correct the error as soon as we learn about our mistake.

Which is kind of why my number three child has two middle names. Let me explain.

Like most parents, it took quite a bit of discussion to come up with a name for each of our children, but with Noah we had a hard time. Yes, we bought the books and looked at the most popular baby names online and listened to friends and grandparents, but in the end settled on Thomas John Kennard. Thomas came from my wife’s grandfather and John was my father’s name.

When the boy arrived, we decided Thomas didn’t fit. In some kind of inspiration that probably came from all the debating during the previous nine months, she said, “How about Noah?”

The editor in me quickly agreed - mostly because it’s easy to spell. I mean how many ways can you screw up four letters? I also figured that if Noah was too hard to remember, I could always call him T.J. for short. The funny thing is T.J. never really stuck and now he goes by simply “T” around the house; as in, “T, go take the garbage out.” Or, “T, get dressed for church.”

After we settled on Noah, we had to figure out how to break the news to one side of the family or the other that we were dropping their name from our newborn son.

To avoid the calamity, we simply kept all the names and now his middle name is Thomas John.

There have been a few problems of course. Many forms asking for a “full name” have a spot for only one middle name. If he ever becomes a writer -- which I suspect won’t happen based on his love of math and science -- he’ll have a difficult time fitting everything into a byline.

My maternal grandparents Bert and Dorothy Bourne had just one child. Because my mother is an only child, the Bourne name would have ended with her, so my parents gave me - their oldest son -- the name as a middle name.

My wife and I passed the “Bourne identity” on to our oldest son just to keep it alive a little while longer. Although around the house he is known as Scooter or sometimes Scoot.

My grandmother Dorothy (who grew up in Kansas and saw her fair share of tornadoes and scarecrows) was known as Girly by everyone in her tiny wheat farming town.

Grandma Girly thought it was odd that my wife had a funny name as well. My wife’s parents named her Susan, but it was changed to Suesan (with an e) sometime in her late teens. I call her Sue most of the time anyway so the spelling kind of makes sense. She likes to say that without the “e” it would be pronounced, “Sussen.”

My mother, Patricia, was Patty or Pat, and my father, John Robert (who I always said was the man with two first names) was Jack. My older sister’s husband’s name is Robert Gary Howard (the man with three first names).

This whole name game is fun to play except when I mess one up. For instance, I’m forever switching the names of Roger Lee with Rob Gantt - who write sports here. (“My name’s Rob, that’s Roger over there.”)

Note to Roger and Rob: I am sorry. You are both great.

At least I’ve not screwed up their bylines yet.

David Kennard is the executive editor of Summerville Communications, which publishes the Berkeley Independent, Goose Creek Gazette and Summerville Journal Scene. Contact him at dkennard@journalscene.com or 843-873-9424. Follow him on Twitter @davidbkennard.

EDITOR'S NOTES: Take your Scene on vacation and share your pictures

I was looking through some back editions of the paper this week and stumbled across a fun little feature that ran several years ago.

The series of articles featured local folks holding up an edition of the paper at exotic locations all around the world.

It was fun to see the community paper in places like Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe, Africa; or spread out across the Great Wall of China. One picture showed a woman holding up news from the Lowcountry in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa in the background. Another reader carried her edition to the wilds of Asheville, North Carolina.

I got a kick out that.

I’d love to start that feature up again. So if you’re planning on taking a trip anywhere in the next little while, throw your Journal Scene in your bag and snap a picture once you get there. Email me a copy at news@journalscene.com and I’ll find a place for you in the next edition of “Scene on Vacation.”

Speaking of vacations, it’s about time to start planning for summer travel. I’ve been lucky enough to explore some fun places around our great country so here is a my short list of recommended stops that you can drive to this spring or summer if you have a day or a week.

Professor Hacker’s Lost Treasure Golf. Drive time: 3 hours. 843-272-5467. We loved this place. After gorging yourself on any of the 100 or so seafood buffets in Myrtle Beach, head on over to Professor Hackers for a fun train ride to the top of a small mountain -- you can see the beach from there. Work your down the path of miniature golf holes that take you over streams, around waterfalls and through scary mining caverns.

Jungle Jim's - River Safari Water Park. Drive time: 9.5 hours. 302-227-8444. Go for the golf, stay for the water park. This is a great destination for anyone afraid of swimming in the Atlantic Ocean at nearby Rehoboth Beach. Your journey will take you through the congested metropolis of Washington, D.C. Be alert for gangs of protest marchers and discarded political placards.

Boondocks Grill, Draft House and Miniature Golf. Drivetime: 10.5 hours. 305-872-4094. This is one I’ve not actually been to, however I have visited other Boondocks locations so I can’t imagine it’s much different -- I mean other than you are in Key West, Florida. And since you are in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by convertible sports cars and marinas, you might as play a round or two on the really miniature, miniature golf course. (It’s a small course.)

Dinosaur Adventure Golf. Drive time: 13 hours. +1-905-358-3676. Bring your passport if you want to get home. This excellent course is located on the banks of the Niagara River in Canada. A nearby waterfall is a serious distraction and you may need a rain poncho if the wind is blowing the mist your direction.

Cody City Park Miniature Golf Course. Drive time: 31 hours. 307-587-3685. This is actually a pretty crappy little golf course, so you’re better off skipping this tourist attraction and taking a short drive into Yellowstone National Park. You are guaranteed to see some Rocky Mountain bison and perhaps a moose if you are quiet. Old Faithful, which isn’t all that faithful anymore erupts about every hour or so depending on how big the last eruption was.

Zion Ponderosa Mini Golf Course. Drive time: 32 hours.800-293-5444. This course is built on the slope of a Ponderosa Pine populated hillside in southern Utah. If you plan to stay the night, book ahead to bed down in one of the many log cabins, which range in size from covered wagon to multi-room western ranch house. We stayed in one of the Cowboy cabins and loved it. It was just a short drive to nearby Zion National Park, one of the most popular parks in the country. You are guaranteed to see herds of deer, bighorn sheep and flocks of smelly hippies hitchhiking across the West, all of which make great photo memories.

If you’re not a miniature golf fan, there are other fun things do in or around most of these great destinations.

And remember, if you make to these or other fun places bring along your Journal Scene and earn a spot in the “Scene on Vacation.”

David Kennard is the executive editor of Summerville Communications, which publishes the Berkeley Independent, Goose Creek Gazette and Summerville Journal Scene. Contact him at dkennard@journalscene.com or 843-873-9424. Follow him on Twitter @davidbkennard.

Small earthquake reported south of Summerville

By David Kennard
dkennard@journalscene.com

A minor earthquake recorded near Ladson on Thursday morning was the third small quake recorded in the same area within the last three months, according to the U.S. Geological Survey.

The 1.4 magnitude earthquake shook the ground at 7:05 a.m. just east of Dorchester Road at the Golf Club at Wescott Plantation, according to the agency’s earthquake map.

Thursday’s earthquake comes after three other tremors reported this fall near Edisto Island and Summerville.

A minor earthquake was reported Thursday in a neighborhood in Ladson. Contributed Photo/USGS.

On Oct. 1 a 1.9 magnitude earthquake was detected about 4:02 p.m. close to Fort Dorchester Elementary School near Dorchester Road. That quake followed a 1.7 tremor recorded a day earlier just down the road near Wescott Park.

Tremors less than 2.0 magnitude usually are not felt.

No injuries were reported.

Coincidentally, both happened at about the same time as earthquake incidents across the country in California.

Today’s quake in Ladson preceded a powerful magnitude 6.5 earthquake that rocked the Northern California coast. The quake occurred about 100 miles off the coast of Eureka, near the Oregon border, around 9:49 a.m. Eastern Standard Time.

Similarly, the quakes in October came as California was preparing for a large quake predicted by seismologists.

That quake never materialized.

Locally, earthquakes occur most often in the Charleston area, meaning the most recent quake is not that uncommon, with 10-15 quakes below magnitude 3 shaking the Lowcountry each year.

The 7.3 magnitude quake that hit Charleston in 1886, however, remains the most powerful quake to ever hit the East Coast.

EDITOR'S NOTES: A guide to great and not-so great Christmas movies

By David Kennard
dkennard@journalscene.com

Christmas in the Kennard house doesn’t begin until the last turkey sandwich from Thanksgiving leftovers has been eaten. That’s usually around the first week of December, but it varies a bit.

Like most families, part of our celebration includes a fair amount of movie watching. So, I’ve compiled a list of the movies that will probably get some play time in our home this year.

“A Christmas Story.” While we may not watch this from start to finish, we’ll certainly catch most of it as we flip through the TV channels. Movie Quote: Father: “He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny. Mother: “He does not. Father: “He does too, he looks like a pink nightmare.”

“Elf.” This has become one of our favorites with just the right amount of charm and humor. Quote: “The best way to spread Christmas cheer, is singing loud for all to hear.”

“Miracle on 34th Street” The 1947 version is great, but the 1997 does a great job of telling the story of a little girl who has a nearly impossible Christmas wish. Quote: “Maybe he’s only a little crazy like painters or composers or ... or some of those men in Washington.”

“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” In 1964 movie makers used really bad Claymation to tell the tale of misfit toys, an elf who wants to be a dentist and a gold miner named Yukon Cornelius — oh yeah and also a reindeer with a red nose. Quote: “Didn’t I ever tell you about Bumbles? Bumbles bounce.”

“Home Alone.” We enjoy this one more for the slapstick humor than anything else. I mean how could anyone take their family to Paris for Christmas and leave a child behind? Whatever, it’s fun. Quote: “Guys, I’m eating junk and watching rubbish. You better come out and stop me.”

“The Santa Clause.” Starring Tim Allen as a father just trying to help his son enjoy Christmas, this film takes you behind the scenes of Santa’s workshop. Don’t worry, there’s still some Christmas magic involved. Quote: “The Santa Clause: In putting on the suit and entering the sleigh, the wearer waives any and all right to any previous identity, real or implied, and fully accepts the duties and responsibilities of Santa Claus, in perpetuity to which some time the wearer becomes unable to do so, by either accident or design. It means: If you put on the suit, you’re the big guy.”

“How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” Watch the animated version, not the horror film with Jim Carrey. Although even in the original, noted scary movie actor Boris Karloff’s baritone voice creates the perfect narrator to the story. Quote: “You’re a rotter, Mr. Grinch. You’re the king of sinful sots. Your heart’s a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots. Mr. Gri-inch! You’re a three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!” — Thurl Arthur Ravenscroft.

“A Christmas Carol.” This is probably the most remade Christmas tale of all time. From Disney’s Scrooge McDuck to the Muppets with Michael Caine to a horrifying characterization of Ebenezer Scrooge by Jim Carrey (you loved him as Ace Ventura now see him in this Christmas ghost movie) we just can’t get enough of Tiny Tim, Bob Cratchit, Jacob Marley and those three wacky ghosts, Past, Present and Future. My favorite is the 1984 version starring George C. Scott. Quote: “Humbug!”

Not on my list

Here are few more Christmas-themed movies that didn’t make my favorites list, but are still worth mentioning.

“National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.” Clark and the rest of the Griswolds stumble through Christmas, chasing squirrels and blowing the city power grid in this spinoff of the original “Vacation” film. Quote: “Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air ... an (expletive) in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer …”

“Scrooged.” Fellow SNL pal and Lowcountry local Bill Murray plays a modern-day Scrooge who learns his lesson thanks to some very “Ghostbuster” looking ghouls. Quote: “Back off big man, that may work with the chicks, but not with me.”

“Bad Santa.” Don’t tell my wife, but I totally enjoy this film about the least likeable shopping mall Santa in the world. He drinks, he smokes, he wets himself and sleeps with loose women, but still manages to find some Christmas spirit. Be warned, this movie is offensive and R-rated. Quote: “You’re an emotional (expletive) cripple. Your soul is dog (expletive). Every single (expletive) thing about you is ugly.”

Christmas movies?

Here is a short list of movies with a Christmas theme, but arguably not Christmas movies.

“Batman Returns.” Michael Keaton wears a bat suit and Michelle Pfeiffer wears (sort of) a cat suit. Quote: “Mistletoe can be deadly, if you eat it.”

“Die Hard.” It’s your typical office Christmas party, but with terrorists. Quote: ““Yippie-ki-yay, (expletive).” Bonus Quote: “Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.”

“Lethal Weapon.” It doesn’t snow much in L.A. and the shooting gets in the way of the storytelling, but it’s Christmas time nonetheless. Quote: “What did one shepherd say to the other shepherd? Let’s get the flock out of here!”

Oddball movies

These are oddball Christmas movies that are worth watching once, if you have nothing better to do

“The Muppet Christmas Carol.” Quote: “Belle, you know, I love these annual Christmas parties. I love ’em so much, I think we’ll do it twice a year!”

“Edward Scissorhands.” Quote: “Eddie. The guys and I were talking, we’d like want to invite you to our card game on Friday night. Would you like that? Only thing is, you can’t cut!”

“The Polar Express.” Please, if enough of us don’t watch this horror movie, it might just go away. Quote: “Caribou Crossing?” Sorry, that’s the best one I could come up with.

David Kennard is executive editor of Summerville Communications, which publishes the Berkeley Independent, Goose Creek Gazette and Summerville Journal Scene. Contact him at dkennard@journalscene.com or 843-873-9424. Follow him on Twitter @davidbkennard.

EDITOR'S NOTES: Christmas tree topper a family tradition

By David Kennard

dkennard@journalscene.com

Sitting at the top of our Christmas tree this year will be what my sons and I call Bear Claw Santa. The tree topper first made his appearance about four years ago after a trip to a green house to buy poinsettias for my wife.

While we were there, we took a look inside the Christmas shop, which was known to have almost every kind of Christmas ornament ever made.

They had angels and bells and feathery things and ornaments with every theme you can imagine; traditional crystal snowflakes, gold leafed candy canes, candles of all colors, marching bands, those old-fashioned water-filled lights that bubble when you plug them in. They had fish ornaments and bird ornaments and cats and dogs and giraffes and bunnies, some that made noises and some that just hung there.

So, when the boys and I saw the very mountain man looking Father Christmas, dressed in his fur coat and long beard, we knew it was time to replace that dumb old angel that had been marring the top of our tree each year.

OK, that may be a little harsh, but decorating the tree each year usually turns into a day-long repair project involving duct tape, hot glue and a fair amount of non-profanities.

Over the last few years of its life the once majestic angel that proclaimed the pending arrival of a glorious Christmas morning to all corners of our living room, had turned into a hunk of brittle brown-ish plastic that was more fire hazard than anything.

The sad little angel first made her appearance early in our marriage -- she may have even been there from the beginning (my wife would know) -- and each year as each child grew, a tussle usually broke out over who’s turn it was to put the angel on the top of the tree.

I have three sons and a daughter, so wrestling, hair pulling and screaming are pretty much par for the course when it comes to decorating the tree each year.

I probably shouldn’t say this but, thankfully, we’re down to just one child still at home, so by default the honor of placing the tree topper will fall to Sam this year.

Bear Claw the Christmas tree topper seemed to be the right fit for us, since we’ve done a fair amount of camping and hiking as a family over the years.

Let me explain.

The boys all grew up in Boy Scouts and love rugged mountain man stuff - guns, tomahawks, starting fires with flint and steel. We’ve also skied all over the West, including at Sundance Ski Resort, which is owned by movie star Robert Redford. Redford, as you may recall was in a film titled, “Jeremiah Johnson,” which includes a character named Bear Claw.

So, that’s where the tree topper got its name. I’m pretty sure Suesan still misses that old angel and I’m guessing a more traditional topper will one day take the place of the mountain man. But for now it’s Bear Claw’s domain.

The wife will, however, have a bigger voice in the actual tree that we select this year. The artificial tree we had for the past few Christmases didn’t make the move with us from out West last year. We’ve got a couple of smaller countertop trees that have been used to decorate other parts of the house, but our goal of downsizing has left us without an actual Christmas tree.

My guess is that we’ll go “au naturel” this year and try to support a local Boy Scout troop or service organization.

Suesan will tell you that I’ve got a pretty low bar for Christmas trees. My main objective is usually to find one that will be big enough to hold all the junk we throw on it -- and that’s it. Pretty much as long is it will fit in the door and not block the TV, I’m good with it.

David Kennard is the executive editor of Summerville Communications, which publishes the Berkeley Independent, Goose Creek Gazette and Summerville Journal Scene. Contact him at dkennard@journalscene.com or 843-873-9424. Follow him on Twitter @davidbkennard.com.

EDITOR'S NOTES: Our veterans are worth remembering, honoring

Journalscene.com

By David Kennard
dkennard@journalscene.com

Bert Allen Bourne died in 1974 at the age of 82 when I was 11 years old.

I don’t remember much about my grandfather, but I learned at an even earlier age that he was well respected in the tiny wheat farming town in the Midwest where he spent nearly his entire life.

David B. Kennard

twitter.com@davidbkennard

He was drafted into the Army in April 1918, about seven months before the Armistice of 11 November 1918 ended World War I.

I have a small collection of the things that he carried with him as he fought in the trenches of France leading up to the day that we now celebrate as Veterans Day.

His compass, a hand mirror, some uniform insignia. But my most cherished possessions are the journals that he kept and the letters that he wrote home to his sister and best friend Louie.

Oct. 9, 1918

“Dear Friend Louie

“Rec'd your letter a few days ago and will try and write a few lines in reply. Have just been eating hazelnuts and sitting around a fire trying to keep warm. It is cold enough here this morning to make a fellow want to hunt a fire but the sun is shining bright outside so I guess it will soon warm up. I hope it will dry up some of the mud too for while the mud is not so very deep it is the stickiest stuff that I ever saw anywhere and sticks to one's shoes so that your feet get so heavy you can't hardly walk….

“Well, I haven't got hit by any whiz bangs or G.I. Cans yet. A G.I. Can is what they call some of those big shells that come sailing along singing "Nearer My God to Thee". G.I. stands for galvanized iron you know and some of those shells sound like a can or something bigger.”

Although Bert’s letters are full of detail, nearly all of them were censored by the Army to prevent intelligence from getting into enemy hands.

His handwritten journal that he carried with him helps fill in the blanks a little.

“On to line, Oct. 18”

“Relieved 1st Btln., Oct. 30”

“Over the top Hallowe’en Night, Nov. 1”

“Eleven days of Hell”

“Along banks of Meuse Canal when armistice news was heard.”

Later, in a letter home he wrote about the end of the war.

“Stenay, France, Nov. 22, 1918: We certainly celebrated Hallowe'en and raised a little h--- with the Kaiser.

“For several days previous the Hun aviators had been flying over our lines and dropping propaganda saying ‘Come on over Americans we will treat you fine’ and the like. Well we come alright. But not the way they meant and we kept right on until they hollered enough.

“On the day of the armistice we had packed up about 2:00 in the morning, marched all the rest of the night, crossed the Meuse and the Canal on pontoon bridges and about 9:00 fell out for a rest along the road. Pretty soon a car came along and one of the men in it called out ‘The war is finished at 11:00 o'clock boys.’ Well we didn't know whether to believe it or not as the guns were still pounding away but we felt a little encouraged. Well we (stayed) there for a few hours and presently the time drew close to 11:00. For some time it seemed as though the artillery fire had been slacking up and at 11:00 it stopped entirely and not a sound could be heard.”

My grandfather stayed in France and Germany for several more months as part of the occupation force after the war. He returned home in the summer of 1919, married a local girl and went on with his life.

Having never served in the military, I can only imagine what it must have been like, not just for my grandfather in World War I, but for all our men and women who have stepped up to join the cause of freedom.

With the approach of Veterans Day, I urge all Americans to pause for a moment to mark the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918.

David Kennard is the executive editor of Summerville Communications, which publishes the Berkeley Independent, Goose Creek Gazette and Summerville Journal Scene. Contact him at dkennard@journalscene.com or 843-873-9424. Follow him on Twitter @davidbkennard.

EDITOR'S NOTES: When disaster strikes keep Pop Tarts nearby

By David Kennard
dkennard@journalscene.com

I drove down to Jessens Landing twice on Friday just to see how high the Ashley River was in the wake of Hurricane Hermine.

A few days before, when forecasters were calling this the next great storm since the days of Noah, I had the family begin preparing our go bags. By Thursday night, the car had a full tank of gas; we had several days’ worth of water stored on a shelf in the garage; and we had filled the pantry with an ample supply of Dinty Moore Stew and ramen noodles.

My provisions here at the office weren’t quite so high brow. They consisted of a box of strawberry Pop Tarts and a six pack of Cherry Pepsi.We closed the newspaper office on Friday, as did many other businesses, schools and government centers.Then they downgraded the hurricane to a tropical storm. Then it rained a little bit.

As a newcomer to the Lowcountry, I was not impressed.Now forecasters are blaming the storm that never happened on faulty equipment and a pattern of recent weather anomalies. I’m pretty sure weather experts can agree that weather is simply unpredictable.I don’t blame them too much, though.

After the floods of last October, it’s really a wise move to prepare for the worst.

I’ve been through plenty of other natural disasters, but never a hurricane, so I was actually a little thrilled when forecasters were talking about Hermine like it was the end of the world.

As a child growing up in Colorado, I had similar feelings when a big snow storm would blow through – because it meant no school and days filled with sledding.

In 1982, when I was still a teen, Denver got walloped by a blizzard that froze the city solid for more than a week. Find pictures here. http://dpo.st/2ciopjX.

I was in high school in 1980, when another disaster struck the country. Up in the Northwest, Mount St. Helens blew its top and sent ash to several states to the east. We saw a little ash fall where we lived out West, but otherwise it had little effect.

Although, nearly 10 years later when I got my first real job at a newspaper in central Washington, I remember cleaning ash out of photo and printing equipment from time to time.

As disasters go, though, I suppose the most frightening experience we had as a family was several tornadoes that blew through the area we lived in near Dayton, Ohio.

The first time it happened, my wife called me at work one day and said, “The tornado sirens are going off, what should we do.”

I said, “Take the kids and go to the basement.”

She did, the children actually had a great time making beds on the floor of our unfinished basement.

The storm passed and everyone was OK.

Several years later, another big storm known as a derecho blew through Ohio knocking down trees and power lines. We suffered more than a week during a very hot July with no power – and since we were on well water, that meant no running water.

My children still give me a hard time for running a hose down the hill so we could steal water from the chicken house, where I had built a rainwater collection system. Find a short video on that event: http://bit.ly/2c80bEt.

Another “disaster” struck when we lived in Boise, Idaho. I was working as an early morning editor and was the first into the office every morning. One day as I sat down in front of my computer to begin uploading stories, I felt a little dizzy. I brushed it off as being tired, but moments later I got a call by my environmental reporter.

“Dave,” he said in an almost panicked voice. “I think we just had an earthquake.” Indeed we did. It was small. A few people reported cracked foundations and broken dishes.

Through all these rather minor disasters, I’ve come to appreciate the importance of being prepared and remaining calm.

As I check the weather forecast every week, I’ll be looking for the big one. And in the meantime, I’ll keep my provisions of Pop Tarts and Pepsi well stocked.

David Kennard is the executive editor of Summerville Communications, which publishes the Berkeley Independent, Goose Creek Gazette and Summerville Journal Scene. Contact him at dkennard@journalscene.com or 843-873-9424. Follow him on Twitter @davidbkennard.

EDITOR'S NOTES: National Parks mark 100 years of amazement

By David Kennard
dkennard@journalscene.com

I knew instantly from the familiar rattling sound that my next move might be my last on that muggy summer day deep in the backcountry of The Great Smoky Mountains National Park.

It was the biggest rattlesnake I had ever seen. Just moments earlier I was walking happily along the familiar path to a small waterfall to rinse off from a long day of trail work.

Back in the early 1980s, I worked as part of a six-person crew rebuilding trails with the Student Conservation Association. We lived 10 miles from the nearest dirt road, armed with shovels, axes and four weeks of provisions.

I had none of those as I stared down the 5-foot timber rattler that was coiled and ready to strike. With a bath towel over my shoulder and a bar of soap in my hand, I could do nothing except stand frozen in the shade of the tall hemlocks.

Last week, without anyone looking, The National Park Service turned 100 years old. A significant event to South Carolina. We have six national parks or historic areas in the state.

Congaree National Park, located just south of Columbia, joined the National Park Service in 2003, preserving the “largest tract of old growth bottomland hardwood forest left in the United States,” according to the NPS.

As one of the smallest National Parks in the 58-park inventory, Congaree boasts more than 26,000 acres of remote, lush floodplain forests.

The park is one of several nationally designated parks or historic areas that include Charles Pinckney National Historic Site, Cowpens National Battlefield, Fort Sumter National Monument, the Gullah/Geechee Cultural Heritage Corridor, Kings Mountain National Military Park, South Carolina National Heritage Corridor, Ninety Six National Historic Site and the Overmountain Victory National Historic Trail.

Admittedly, I’ve been to none of these since I moved here less than a year ago. But with a track record of visiting many other amazing national parks all across the United States, I have no doubt I will make my way to one of the local parks soon.

As a family we’ve laid on our backs and looked up at the massive trees that scrape the sky in Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Park in California.

We’ve taken a photo class at the Grand Canyon in Arizona to capture the array of colors that wash the desert cliffs at sunrise and sunset.

We’ve watched satellites track across the designated dark sky area at Natural Bridges National Monument in southern Utah.

We’ve hiked the loop trail at Mount Rushmore and stared up into the granite nostrils of four U.S. presidents.

We’ve ridden the bike/train trail at Cuyahoga National Park in northeast Ohio.

And, of course, we’ve driven among the buffalo and elk and seen Old Faithful erupt at America’s oldest national park, Yellowstone in Wyoming.

Just before moving my family east from Utah, my sons and I hiked the Angels Landing Trail at Zion National Park. If you are any kind of national park enthusiast – and aren’t afraid of heights – this has to be on your bucket list.

As you can tell, that early experience with a venomous snake in Tennessee didn’t scare me away from exploring the wonders of our beautiful national parks.

Only somewhat apologetically to all you reptile lovers, I’ll admit that the snake met its demise under a giant rock that day. In an attempt to honor its memory, though, I cut off the rattles with the intent of having proof of the my near-death experience. But the joke was on me.

Seconds after I laid the rattle on a nearby stone to dry, a raven swooped down and stole my prize from me.

I have no desire to collect more rattlesnake rattles on any outdoor adventure, but I do plan to continue visiting our amazing national parks and other sites.

You should, too.

David Kennard is the executive editor of Summerville Communications, which publishes the Berkeley Independent, Goose Creek Gazette and Summerville Journal Scene. Contact him at dkennard@journalscene.com or 843-873-9424. Follow him on Twitter @davidbkennard.